The eNotes Blog RELAX. The World Ended in 634BCE

RELAX. The World Ended in 634BCE If you are stressing because there is not a single bed-and-breakfast in  Bugarach, France (purportedly the only place in the world safe from the predicted Mayan apocalypse of 2012), relax.   For a variety of reasons, the world is NOT going to end tomorrow. December 21, 2012, has been ballyhooed for years as the date the world will end. Fin. Finito. Thats all folks. And Im not paying that cable bill either. Except that it wont be. The list of Yep-thats-it. The-world-has-become-as-evil-as-it-possibly-can-be-and-____________(your god here)-has-HAD-ENOUGH is a loooooooooooooooooooong one, folks. Better get crackin on buying that gift for your aunt, because no one is gonna give you an eternal excuse.   Here is a brief list of the various We Are DOOMED! scenarios, all come and gone: 634 BCE and Some Pissed-Off Eagles Many Romans feared that the city would be destroyed in the 120th year of its founding. There was a myth that 12 eagles had revealed to  Romulus  a mystical number representing the lifetime of Rome, and some early Romans hypothesized that each eagle represented 10 years. 1st Century, Early Christians Some first-century Christians expected Jesus  to return within one generation of his death. According to some scholars,  Paul the Apostle was one of these. 375-400 CE,  Martin of Tours Stated that the world would end before 400. Writing There is no doubt that the Antichrist has already been born. Firmly established already in his early years, he will, after reaching maturity, achieve supreme power. 500 CE,  Hippolytus of Rome,Sextus Julius Africanus,Irenaeus All three predicted Jesus would return in the year 500. January 1, 1000:  Pope Sylvester II The  Millenium Apocalypse. Various Christians predicted the end of the world on this date, including  Pope Sylvester II. Riots in Europe. Panicky Europeans, 1346-51 The  black plague  spreading across Europe was interpreted by many as the sign of the end of times. 1656,  Various Christians   Theres always been a lot of monkeying around with numbers, with sects swearing that they have figured out the secret formula (yeahriiiight. we still dont know what, precisely, the secret spices are in KFC). Anyhoo. [s]ome Christians believed the world would end this year, as 1656 was the number of years between Creation and the Great Flood in the Bible. 1697,  Cotton Mather Well-known for his love of a good prank (kidding), [t]his Puritan minister predicted the world would end this year. After the prediction failed, he revised the date of the End two more times. (Okay.. this is getting tedious. There are literally dozens more but in the interest of time, and of course, our imminent demise, lets fast forward to the twentieth century). Feb. 4, 1962: Psychic Jeane Dixon Predicted a planetary alignment on this day was to bring destruction to the world. 1975, Jehovahs Witnesses In 1966, Jehovahs Witnesses estimated it had been 6000 years since mans creation; therefore, in the fall of 1975   it would be appropriate for Christs thousand-year reign to begin. These claims were repeated throughout the late 1960. In 1974, they reaffirmed their belief that there was just a short time remaining before the wicked worlds end. Oct/Nov 1982:   Pat Robertson, Evangelical Pastor In late 1976, Robertson predicted that the end of the world was coming in October or November 1982. (Well, that  was  the year of my first date, an event many wouldve predicted would bring the world to an end so perhaps a little leeway for ol Pat). April 29, 1987:   Leland Jensen, Halleys Comet Jensen predicted that Halleys Comet would be pulled into Earths orbit on April 29, 1988, causing widespread destruction. July, 1999: Nostradamus   A prediction attributed to Nostradamus stating the King of Terror would come from the sky in 1999 and seven months led to fears of the end. Annnnnnnnnnnd Presenting Despite All Historical Evidence and Obvious Fallacies to the Contrary! THE MAYANS! The so-called  Mayan apocalypse  at the start of the  14th baktun. The Earth is destroyed by an  asteroid,  Nibiru, or some other interplanetary object; an  alien invasion; or a  supernova. Good night, all. Unless I am destroyed by aliens or burned to a crisp by a supernova, Ill see you next week with some elegant toasts for the New Year, in which, surely, there will be predictions that all of us will become toast.

Quotes by Comedian and Actress Mae West

Quotes by Comedian and Actress Mae West Mae West was best known as a comedian and actress whose bawdy plays and movies were full of double entendres and attracted the attention of industry censors. Less well known is her role as writer in many productions. Her film career- mainly at Paramount in the 1930s- seemed to stop in 1943, but she returned in the 1970s for cult classic Myra Breckinridge and Sextette. Selected Mae West Quotations I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it. If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning. I wrote the story myself. Its all about a girl who lost her reputation but never missed it. When Im good, Im very good. When Im bad, Im better. Too much of a good thing can be wonderful. Its hard to be funny when you have to be clean. Im a woman of very few words, but lots of action. I generally avoid temptation unless I cant resist it. It isnt what I do, but how I do it. It isnt what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it. Ill try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure. When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one Ive never tried before. Marriage is a great institution, but Im not ready for an institution yet. I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. Why dont you come on up and see me sometime- when Ive got nothin on but the radio. Why dont you come up sometime and see me? Im home every evening. Come up. Ill tell your fortune. Ah, you can be had. Lifes just a merry-go-round. Come on up. You might get a brass ring. Shes the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong. When women go wrong, men go right after them. There are no good girls gone wrong, just bad girls found out. Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? It is better to be looked over than overlooked. Keep a diary, and someday itll keep you. To err is human, but it feels divine. Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache. Ive been rich and Ive been poor. Believe me, rich is better. Sex is emotion in motion. Virtue has its own reward, but no sale at the box office. Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often. I like my clothes to be tight enough to show Im a woman, but loose enough to show Im a lady. Youre never too old to become younger. I like restraint, if it doesnt go too far. Im the lady who works at Paramount all day... and Fox all night. I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. A dame that knows the ropes isnt likely to get tied up. Love thy neighbor- and if he happens to be tall, debonair, and devastating, it will be that much easier. Its all right for a perfect stranger to kiss your hand as long as hes perfect. Its not the men in my life that count, its the life in my men. Every man I meet wants to protect me. I cant figure out what from. A man in the house is worth two in the street. A girl in the convertible is worth five in the phone book. A hard man is good to find. Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, Im tired. Give a man a free hand and hell run it all over you. A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him. An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises. Dont keep a man guessing too long- hes sure to find the answer somewhere else. Look your best- who said love is blind? Flattery will get you everywhere. Ive been things and seen places. Im no angel, but Ive spread my wings a bit. The score never interested me, only the game. Men are my hobby. If I ever got married Id have to give it up. So many men... so little time. I only like two kinds of men- domestic and imported. I only have yes men around me. Who needs no men? Save a boyfriend for a rainy day- and another, in case it doesnt rain. Some men are all right in their place- if they only knew the right places! I like a man whos good, but not too good... for the good die young, and I hate a dead one. I feel like a million tonight. But one at a time. Men are easy to get but hard to keep. Men? Sure, Ive known lots of them. But I never found one I liked well enough to marry. Besides, Ive always been busy with my work. Marriage is a career in itself and to make a success of it youve got to keep working at it. So until I can give the proper amount of time to marriage, Ill stay single. His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork. Hes the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. Dont marry a man to reform him. Thats what reform schools are for. Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring. It takes two to get one in trouble. Too many girls follow the line of least resistance, but a good line is hard to resist. Good women are no fun. The only good woman I can recall in history was  Betsy Ross. And all she ever made was a flag. Good sex is like good Bridge. If you dont have a good partner, youd better have a good hand. Diamonds is my career. When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin. No gold-digging for me. I take diamonds! We may be off the gold standard someday. You can do what you want, but saving love doesnt bring any interest. Any time you got nothing to do and lots of time to do it, come on up. Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly. Kiss and make up- but too much makeup has ruined many a kiss. Brains are an asset to the woman in love whos smart enough to hide em. Some women pick men to marry- and others pick them to pieces. Say what you want about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins. Let men see whats coming to them, and women will get whats coming to them. Cultivate your curves- they may be dangerous but they wont be avoided. I didnt discover curves; I only uncovered them. The curve is more powerful than the sword. Ive been in more laps than a napkin. Id like to see Paris before I die. Philadelphia will do. I see youre a man with ideals. I better be going before youve still got them. Women with pasts interest men because men hope that history will repeat itself. Dont ever make the same mistake twice, unless it pays. Right now I think censorship is necessary; the things theyre doing and saying in films right now just shouldnt be allowed. Theres no dignity anymore and I think thats very important. The best way to behave is to misbehave. You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. Quote collection assembled by Jone Johnson Lewis. Each quotation page in this collection and the entire collection  © Jone Johnson Lewis. This is an informal collection assembled over many years. I regret that I am not be able to provide the original source if it is not listed with the quote.